Rip your cocktail napkin up into tiny bits of confetti. Ask for another lime wedge so it can sit on the rim of your glass un-squeezed.

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Monopolize all of our attention with your vacation plans.

Tell us that you are/were a bartender too — like that means anything to us.

Attempt to order a drink from our 16-year-old busser.

Dramatically open your wallet in front of our face in an attempt to get served before the 15 other people who came in before you.

Your night of kamikaze shots and drunken text messages to your mother? Come in with your friend, order one drink each, then ask us to split the check between your two credit cards. Order an obscure bottle of wine off of our cellar list that we have probably never looked at and didn’t even know we had.

Place your drink beside the coaster that we kindly provided for you. Take a stack of coasters home as “mementos.” Mementos of what? ” when there is a list right in front of you titled: What’s on Tap.

Inform us that there are no paper towels in the men’s bathroom. Accuse us of forgetting to put alcohol in your drink because you can’t taste it. Accuse us of putting too much alcohol in your drink because you can taste it. Send your drink back for any reason other than: “This is a martini and I ordered a whiskey sour.” 47.

Use an extremely outdated name for an incredibly basic drink.

Something to consider: we know way more about you than you do about us.

Assume that there is only one bartender in this establishment and ask us why we are here instead of her. Chat us up in the grocery store like we’re actually friends.

Confuse us with the hostess / barback / other bartender with brown hair. Order one lemon drop, two Irish coffees, and a Guiness — then expect all that to happen very soon.